Hi, me again.
I'm so sorry that my posts are always like drift wood in the sparse ocean. I get in my head too much about writing something 'worthwhile' and then it sucks all the joy out of what was supposed to be a hobby, and ultimately a safe place to ramble about my thoughts and feelings about whatever springs to mind.
It's nearly 1am and I'm up thinking about finances. Mine, in particular. I'm not about to not be able to pay my bills, but I've been a little too spend-happy this month and it shows in my bank account. It ultimately means I need to be more careful in the upcoming months to level it out again.
Why have I suddenly started spending money like it's gone out of fashion? I needed cheering up, and something about parcels coming to the door makes me feel like it's a special occasion. Depression has been creeping in through the cracks, the spaces in my brain where I've felt comfortable to neglect for a while because I've been stable. I haven't 'split' (bpd term) on anyone in a long time, I haven't self harmed in what seems like a lifetime.. of course I've taken one hand off the steering wheel.
The problem with mental disorders is they prey on you at your most vulnerable. When you're unsuspecting. If you feel it's too good to be true, it usually is. And it's been feeling mighty fine.
So, naturally, I've been doing lots of self care. I've slept a lot, because I've exhausted myself by being well for so long. I've treated myself to new skin care, bath and shower products, new clothes. Things that entice me to leave my bed and pyjamas behind and live a little, but also things that if I absolutely can't, it's okay too. I even picked up a new book for the weekend to snuggle up with. The only problem is, I don't have unlimited funds and I need to have a word with myself about what's a little treat and what's extravagant. Hint; the 7 boxes in one day probably leans towards the latter 🤣.
Honestly though, I'm just happy every time I make a purchase that isn't edible.. but that's for another day.
