Sometimes it must seem I'm the most social butterfly going. I go on nights out, I always seem to be doing things with people; so why do I spend almost every day alone?
Because I'm actually far, far more comfortable in my own company. I actually am a ball of paranoid anxiety spiking out in fear and stress on the inside. So why do I do it?
I'm terrified of abandonment. I'm convinced everyone will get bored and move on without me.
And, when I'm in the moment, I remember how nice it is to feel like a human being and not this hermit.
Moral? Even the most outgoing people could be hiding anxiety; more nervous I am the louder and happier I seem. It's horrible, sometimes I wanna punch myself, but I hate uncomfortable silences and start overthinking so I have to fill the space!
No comments:
Post a Comment