The wind through the windows

There's something that happens when your psychosis heads to the acute end of the scale. Everything is heightened. Any persistent noise is like torture, lights are brighter. Currently the wind is whistling through my windows and it sounds like one of those old school stove kettles at boiling point. 

I've been struggling with electrical humming noises in my house and certain pitches on the TV and the radio. Background noise is overwhelming, busy places are a auditory overload; everything seems to pierce through my fragile psyche and play havoc with my senses. Our smart meter also plays the song of it's people every time the heating comes on, which is just another of many needles to the brain.

This evening I feel paranoid, like someone is watching me. I've closed all the curtains and blinds but I can't shake the feeling I'm exposed to someone or something, or that someone can read my thoughts. Rationally, I know this isn't true. Honestly, though, I'm a little bit frightened that it might be.

I saw a friend today though, who is also struggling. It was nice to be able to just sit there and feel awful and know that we aren't alone going through it all. We both are fighting for our lives and our sanity to reach manageable levels, but we don't have to fight to keep our friendship alive; we have each other's backs. Not by taking on another person's problems, that's never helpful, but to remind each other to engage in self-care and to be kind to ourselves. 

The wind continues to whistle through the windows, and I continue to struggle. But each day I'm fighting is another day I don't allow it to beat me. I am determined to win.