My instant thought came to food, but I realise now that my relationship with food isn't healthy. That isn't indulgence, it's a daily battle. It's a vicious cycle of self-hate. A fear of the unknown, or a situation I cannot control, a need to replace the emotion with something (in my case, food) in order to gain control of an aspect of my life, and then an overwhelming feeling of shame which inevitably leads to me reaching out for my comfort blanket; more food.
My indulgences are actually when I buy an outfit that I actually don't hate myself in, or treat myself to a hair cut, or have a self-pamper day and look after my skin, my nails and my hair. It's when I buy a pair of shoes or some cheap costume jewellery I don't really need but they make me feel pretty. It's when I say 'okay, I don't have much spare cash this week after bills but instead of being sensible and only spending £3 a day, I'm going to blow it all on a day out because memories mean more than staying home like I do every other day.'
They are when I get engrossed in a book and forget about the rest of the world, or when I get carried away with my writing and a hour's gone by and I'm happily in my own world. It's when I treat myself to a midnight viewing cinema ticket to see the film I've waited over a year for and just absolutely have to see it the moment it hits the big screen.
Indulgences aren't necessarily being a glutton and scoffing an extra portion of chips, or having another glass of wine. It's something that you maybe wouldn't otherwise do. It's something you go out of your way to do to make yourself feel better. It's treating yourself.
'I'm not really single, I'm just dating myself. I take me out to eat, I buy me clothes, I love me.'
xoxo
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