Ask Twice

What I always want to scream at people when I talk about mental health, is "who cares what they look like!" 

The amount of times I hear 'well they don't look ill' or words to that effect is honesty criminal. It is a mental illness, not a look illness. My mental state can not, and should not be determined based on whether I painted my nails or put make up on. I can be suicidal and still brush my hair, and I can feel pretty okay and not be bothered to even wash it. You don't have to be bed bound to be depressed and you don't have to be climbing the ceilings to be manic. Each person presents in their own individual way, and sometimes episodes for the same person can present in completely different ways. There is no 'one size fits all when it comes to mental illnesses. Some people are high functioning and maintain jobs and look presentable and like their lives are perfect but inside they are screaming from the moment they wake to the moment they go to bed. Some people's lives are falling apart but their homes are immaculate. Other people can't bring themselves to shower let alone do housework. Every one of those people, and every person in between, all deserve compassion, respect, and support. Why are we trying to invalidate someone's emotions and experiences just because they don't fit into your ideals of how someone with mental illness should look or act? 

Stop saying 'you look fine' and start asking 'how do you feel?' Stop asking 'how things are going' and start asking 'how's your mind today?' We all have mental health, and we all need to take care of it. It doesn't matter if in public your hair is on fleek if at home your eyes are on leak. (Yep, that was awful but I'm rolling with it) 

So many of us say we're fine because we're afraid of having our feelings invalidated. Next time you see someone, ask twice. It's a simple thing to do but it shows you care. We need to stop assuming and start asking. Maybe this way we can start helping others, and ourselves, to remove the 'I'm fine' mask and be more open about what we are struggling with.