Keeping it real

I always want to be positive when I post, but I also have to keep things real. I don't think it's helpful to write about the silver lining if I myself can't see it. It seems disgenuine, and I honestly don't think it's healthy for either myself or anyone else reading who is going through a particularly bad time right now.

I know, I actively know, that emotions aren't permanent. I know that things won't feel like this forever, and I know I'm loved and underneath the pain I'm a bright, strong, and pretty awesome person. I know all of these things the same as I know my reflection; but right now I just can't believe it.

Things have been so rough lately. Today I tried to be the strong one, because someone I love needed me, but I crumbled. I feel like I let people down, that I should have fought harder; but I've got nothing left. That's the sad truth. I can barely handle keeping myself from falling off the edge, and as much as it hurts to admit; I can't be someone else's life raft right now because I'm too busy drowning.

It's exhausting because it never seems to end. I know tomorrow will be more of the same, more pain and more suffering. I feel so alone with it all; I'm the one who people lean on, and I'm starting to realise I have almost nobody willing/able to do it for me. 

I'm a strong woman. I am self-reliant to the core and I'm not good at asking for help, I know this. But I also know that I've got extremely limited options should I need to reach out and so I feel so alone with this.

Honestly; I feel like each day I'm losing another part of myself, and it scares me.


If anyone is reading this and needs support, there are many helpful places you can get help. The NHS website has a long list of helplines and services, or for more immediate support you can visit your GP, local walk-in centre, community mental health team, crisis team or A&E depending on your situation and the severity of your needs. You matter, take care of yourself ❤