Why Me?

I sometimes lay here and wonder 'why me.' 
I think everyone does at some point in time, every one of us going through tough times has a moment of self-pity and resentment; even if we don't all admit it.
I'm not a bad person, and I've endured a lot of bad things without allowing it to corrupt me into a cruel or bitter one. So when I hear about karma, I wonder when I'll get mine recompensed. Surely I'm entitled to a whole backlog of compensation for all the suffering I've endured (mostly silently) in my life?
I know lots of people are suffering, lots of people are undeserving of the hand they have been dealt, and I'm not special or more entitled to  happiness than any of them. But sometimes, just sometimes, you have these moments where you just don't care about the others and you just get sad and angry about your situation. I think it's only natural to do so, especially when it's unrelenting and showing no signs of easing up or stopping. 
It's so important in those moments not to let go of your blessings. It's very easy to fall down into a pit of despair and only see the negatives, but there is always something to be thankful for. 
Today I am thankful for being alive. I'm grateful that I have a loving family and a few supportive friends to give me comfort. I'm appreciative of a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in and food in my stomach. I'm blessed that I am able to recoupurate with no real financial responsibility or mounting medical bills. 
I'm honoured to be able to see another day.
I'm still angry, and feeling like I'm trapped at the bottom of a deep empty well, but you do have to remind yourself that there are good things in your life, however small and insignificant they might seem at the time. I have never found it helpful when people tell you there are people worse off than you. There will always be someone doing better than you, too; does that mean you shouldn't be happy or proud of any success? No, of course not, so don't tell me I can't feel down or hopeless or whatever else I feel. Don't try to invalidate my suffering by comparing it to others. Pain, grief and mental illness are not things to compare. We all experience things differently, we all process things differently and we all react and cope in different ways. There is no right or wrong when it comes to emotions and feelings. 
Today I am angry. And I'm not going to pretend otherwise.