Late night thoughts

Sometimes I have loads on my mind, other times it's literally empty. Like; I know there are things I actually should be worrying about or thinking about but there's just nothing.

Today is not the latter, I have a thousand thoughts racing through my head and apparently being exhausted beyond words both physically and mentally isn't making one iota of difference.

I've had so many busy days, trying to keep myself from falling off the edge, and I'm a little worried now I've got a few 'nothing days' it will all catch up with me; but I'm too exhausted to force something else. Even God (if you believe such things) took the 7th day off and, whilst I'm not moulding the building blocks of life, I'm also not an almighty magical being; and keeping myself alive is bloody exhausting, thank you very much.

It's taken me two hours to write such a tiny amount of what amounts to nonsense, because the words are floating about and it's hard to connect anything that makes much sense. But I'm persevering. I needed to write this more than I needed sleep, because it keeps me grounded sometimes. It's as important to write about nothing as it is about masterpieces, because it keeps the story from being too one-sided. My life isn't just tapping away about inspirational thoughts or asking the kind of questions that have you debating the answer, sometimes my brain's a-blank and I sit here staring at a screen thinking 'there must be something' but I just come up with nada. 

Every day is a lesson, every failure leads to success; sometimes the best art isn't the most beautiful; it's the piece that you glean something from. I might not be telling you anything of note, but I'm pouring real, raw, thoughts and they're pretty unfiltered because I'm trying to maintain a flow of consciousness.

I've reached out to everyone I possibly can. I've complained, I've petitioned, I've given myself migraines from the stress of asking for help. I've handed the situation over to my mother's capable hands because nobody fights injustice better than her without a law degree; though arguably even those with them would perhaps find her a fair opponent.

For now I sign off, and hope a restful, undisturbed sleep is on the cards. I'll even settle for just undisturbed; I think asking for both is probably aiming too high.