Iceberg, dead ahead

Never really know how to start these off. Do you have to always be clever or witty or eye-catching? What gets people interested, what decides which post is read more than another?
Of course views have never been the point of this, I write for me, but it does interest me how my views fluctuate sometimes quite drastically. 
Waffle aside..
Things have been a struggle recently. I'm barely holding it together, struggling to recall my coping mechanisms, struggling to remember what I'm fighting for.
I know I'm loved, I know I'm worthy of good things but sometimes it's hard to feel that. It's as though suddenly I'm separated from reality and what I know and what I can draw from in a time of need are vastly different. 
It's the fight between rational and irrational; and lately the dish has been running away with the spoon. 
At which point in time do you question your sanity? Is it a case of saying 'well I'm still asking, so I must still be here' or is it more complex than that? We've all walked into a room and forgot why, we've put things away in odd places or found ourselves talking aloud and laughed that we're losing the plot. 
This isn't that; this is me starting to analyse family and friends, suspicious of agendas and unsure of my place in the world. The latter isn't so unfamiliar a concept, I think all of us struggle to understand our role and where we fit in to the larger scheme, but I mean life itself. It's not the panic of a woman wondering what to do with her life or if there should be more; it's me saying 'do I belong amongst the living?' 
I don't know if I was cut out for it, everything I do seems to be wrong. I've never once felt any kind of comfort in anything, nothing that ever screamed 'this is who I am and where I belong.' 
No residence has ever felt like home, no friend has ever felt 'forever' and no career or education path has ever felt tangible.
Some days I feel too intelligent and others I feel incredibly dumb. 
I'm having a continuous life crisis that's about to hit it's decade anniversary and showing no signs of relief. 
If I'm honest, it's just been a crisis as far back as memory will serve. I turn 28 in a month with nothing to show for it bar a lot of awful stories, post traumatic stress disorder and a multitude of fat cells.
Here it is, here's the absolute truth of it all. I can't remember the last time I felt like a human being. I've just become this living breathing thinking entity that looks and sounds like me but there's something a little off and I'm not really running the show.
I can see 'iceberg, dead ahead' but by the time I've wrestled back the steering it's too late. I'm aboard a sinking ship.
 S.O.S