I’ve been thinking all morning how I was going to combat this
one. Do I write it as a letter, or some form of self-advertisement? In the end
I thought I’d just free flow it, and see what happens..
I’m perhaps not that easy on the eye; not ugly exactly, but
you wouldn’t necessarily pick me out in a crowd for my looks. But that’s okay,
because looks don’t equate to worth, and I feel I have a lot more to offer the
world. Am I the smartest? Not by a long shot, but I’m far from stupid, and I
get by with the knowledge I have gleaned from my varied education and my life
experiences.
So we’ve established I’m not classically beautiful and I’m
not the next Einstein. What else is there?
I am loyal. I would go to the ends of the earth for the people
I love.
I tell it how it is; I’m brutally honest (maybe a little too honest sometimes) when it comes to
laying down my opinion. It might be hurtful at times, but it almost always comes from a place of love. I
want people to be the best versions of themselves, and if that outfit makes you
look fat; well I’m doing you a service by not allowing you to step out in it. I
will also dig the hell out of things
you look bomb in too, so I’m not just about pointing out flaws before you all
think I’m a negative Nancy.
I choose my friends based on their souls, not the shallow
stuff. I don’t care if your weight is giving Shamu a run for her money, or you
have a sex dungeon in your house, or if you collect stamps and wear glasses
that went out of fashion in the 1940’s. If you have a good soul, and bring
positivity to my life, then you’re in. I’m nowhere near perfect enough to judge.
I do, however judge attitudes. I’m generally of the rule if you’re nice to me,
I’m nice to you. I hate taking sides
in other people’s dramas and providing you don’t cross my fairly reasonable
morality lines, we’ll get along fine.
I am immensely resilient, and yet I have never let it make
me hard or cruel to others. I still see the world as a mostly good place,
despite my experiences. I don’t believe people are generally bad; I think a lot
of bad things happen, we each have good and bad in us, and sometimes we make
bad decisions either as coping mechanisms or out of anger and fear. Does that
mean all bad deeds are forgivable? No, but I do believe the people who hate the
most are the ones most in need of love.
I may not have a completely selfless heart, but I do have a
large one and it is capable of so much love for people. I care more than I let
on, and I hurt when I see others hurting. My passion for helping others guides
me to write these things, to speak out about my struggles, because if I can
help just one person I can rest easy. I know I can’t change the world alone,
but if each person I manage to reach out to also reaches out; together maybe we
can.
I’m creative. I might not be a pragmatic problem solver, but
my brain has a beautiful way of turning a complete muddled up mess of emotions
into something that somehow makes perfect sense on a page. I can somehow turn
the most painful memories into something raw and real and emotive that not only
others can be drawn in to, but that I can be proud of. I can create a glorious
world of fiction from my deep and powerful imagination. I can see an empty room
and imagine how it could look, I can see an odd clothing garment and find a way
to turn it into an outfit when others wouldn’t think twice about throwing it away.
It’s all about the accessories..
Writing this actually really helped me to see the good parts
in myself that sometimes we overlook. It’s so easy for the world to convince us
that if we aren’t models or rocket scientists that we don’t matter; but
actually each of us has something unique to offer that makes us special. We
just sometimes have to stop looking at the areas we fall short in, and begin to
appreciate the areas we excel in. Maybe
you haven’t found it yet, your niche. But that’s just more reason to explore
and have fun with life. Don’t let the ‘no’ prevent you from finding your ‘yes.’
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