Honestly? I'm not sure.
1.Perhaps it was walking away from a toxic situation even though I knew it would break my heart.
2.Perhaps it was going against every thought and urge in my body to commit suicide and choosing to reach out for help, instead.
3.Perhaps it was going through assessment after assessment in the mental health sector, reliving my most painful memories, and trusting that things would get better.
4.Perhaps it's the simpler things, like listening to my anxiety and giving myself a self-care day.
I don't know what necessarily counts as loving, but I do know that I've learned to start to put myself first. I'm starting to recognise that it isn't selfish, but necessary. You cannot fill someone else's cup if yours is empty; you must use the overflow to nourish others. It is completely okay if you're feeling overwhelmed to tell a loved one that whilst you always want to support them, you just can't take on their problems at this time. When I was training to be a lifeguard I learned that the most important person in a rescue is yourself; sad as it is, one casualty is better than two.
I was once told a true story about a man whose dog appeared to be struggling whilst swimming in a strong current. Concerned for his dog, the owner went in to rescue him, and immediately came into difficulties. Two on-call policemen went in after him, to no avail. The only survivor was the dog.
It is not wrong to help other people, in fact I highly encourage it. But it is important to do a risk assessment before you, or both of you, drown under the pressure.
'Will this physically or mentally put too much of a strain on me? What else am I currently dealing with? Will this trigger me? How can I help without getting too emotionally involved? Do I know of anyone better equipped to help with this situation?'
Taking care of your basic needs, and your physical and mental health, will always place you in a better position to hep others.
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