Sometimes things are tough, no matter who we are, and I have an illness which unfortunately does not come with a 'magic pill' that can instantly make all my trauma and chemical imbalances heal.
Sometimes, we have to accept that certain things never fully get better.
I will have: good days and bad days, manic and depressive days, psychotic and anxious days, days where I suffer flashbacks and panic attacks, and sometimes I'll have empty days where I'm numb and trapped in 'factory mode.' All of these things are part and parcel of being mentally ill and whilst some happen less frequently than they used to, whilst I manage them better; I can't pretend they aren't part of what makes me, 'me.'
However I can choose to take my prescribed medication, I can take advice from medical professionals, I can regularly check in with friends, family, and my care-coordinator with anything I'm struggling with. I can commit myself fully with forthcoming treatment plans and keep on fighting the good fight.
Things are allowed to not be okay, but I am also allowed to ask for help and make certain I am safe and keeping my emotions as stable as possible. After all, they say it's not what you're faced with in life that defines you; but rather how we react to it.
I can keep myself active and I can try and keep an eye on my eating disorder so that I don't let it fully take over my life. While I still await psychological help there will be days where I do lose control; but I can choose to not allow it to beat me down and become too detrimental to both my mental and physical health .I'm already on the dangerous side of overweight so it's important to not go any further into the red.
Most importantly, I can choose to love myself even on the days it's hardest to. I can self-soothe and I can do little things to make me feel better; face masks, bubble baths, binge watching 'Gossip Girl' on Netflix, get myself prepared for Infinity War part 2 in 2019 by re-watching the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe from the beginning, or taking myself to Hogwarts via flying car- okay fine, by DVD. I can remember to turn off my phone if necessary and I can have scheduled sleep if everything is still too overwhelming. I can have a cry and I can write a list of people I'd like to punch in the face. I can go to the gym and workout my frustrations so I don't punch said people in the face; exercise my demons, if you like 😜.
I can write, I've always got my writing. I feel it serves as a wonderful passage back in time, a way to milestone how I've grown as a writer, how I've recovered slowly with my mental health, an insight into my mind in my darkest times. I honestly think one day I'll look back at all this with nostalgia. I'll be glad I took the time to waffle to you all. My own, personal horcrux if you will...
No comments:
Post a Comment