Lost

It's dark today.
The world's colours have lost their brightness, everything is duller and foggy.
I've cried, I've slept, I've fought so hard to resist my old coping method of self-harm. I've had flashbacks, and I've been feeling the urges I thought I had left behind.
I haven't felt this low in a while and it scared me this morning. For a moment I forgot how far I'd come, I forgot how well I've been rebuilding. Then my survival instincts kicked in. I forced myself to get up, to get dressed, to do the things I do every day because today wasn't going to be the day I forgot myself. Today wasn't going to beat me.
I'm weak, I'm exhausted, I'm feeling incredibly lost. But for today at least, I'm me.
It may feel like I'm losing; but I haven't lost yet. I won't lose, I can't lose, unless I give up fighting. 

Not today, satan...