1. I'm not crazy, or a bad person, I'm ill.
For the longest time I was afraid if I spoke about how I was feeling and the experiences I was having that I would be locked up or that people would treat me differently. I thought that my impulsive and destructive behaviours were a result of me being a bad person; even though I didn't mean to do the things I was doing or really understand what was happening.
Now I've been diagnosed and understand my illness, and myself, better I know that I wasn't a bad person; I was just dealing badly with what life handed me. I lacked the tools to cope with my illness and the situations I'd been unfortunate enough to experience.
2. Unconditional love is real.
Due to early experiences and being the victim of emotional blackmail amongst other things, I believed growing up that if I did anything too wrong, everyone would leave me. This led to my abandonment issues and my need to keep things to myself even though in hindsight it was the worse thing I could do.
Whilst going through my psychotic breakdown was traumatic for all involved, seeing the support from my family, especially my step-dad, made me realise that they weren't going anywhere and that love really doesn't have to be earned nor can it be taken from you if you mess up.
3. There are reasons why I've always felt different, angry, and confused.
I always felt in school that I didn't fit in anywhere. I bounced from group to group because whereas all the other teens seemed to know what they liked and had a sense of style that reflected this; I never really was sure where I belonged. This led to me trying too hard and never feeling accepted or like I fit in which didn't help with my sense of self or self-esteem.
Now, I'm still not entirely sure of where I belong or what I like but I understand this is due to my developmental issues and I'm learning to accept that this is who I am and I don't try to join groups anymore.
4. I'm still me, I am not my illness.
I thought that having a label would define me as a person, but it didn't. I realised it actually helped me understand my actions, impulses and emotions and realise that the reason I've been struggling wasn't my fault and things really were just harder for me to understand and process.
5. It's absolutely okay and justifiable for me to be upset if someone uses stigma or discriminates against me due to my illness, and I can and should fight against it.
Time to Change taught me that many things I'd accepted from people were absolutely not okay, and I had the right to challenge them. Whilst I couldn't go back in time to change these things, it's made me more aware of the fact my illness does not make me unworthy of respect or empathy. I don't have to apologise for feeling unwell or not being able to manage as well as others.
6. I don't have to go through everything alone.
It's still something I do struggle with, as it's my nature to be self-reliant, but I'm learning to reach out and it's been fruitful. It's been so nice to share what's on my mind and have the benefit of shared experience and other perspectives which can help calm me down and broadens my options for solutions.
7. I'm incredibly resilient.
I've survived 100% of what life has thrown at me. Every time I've thought I couldn't cope, every time I've thought I'd not get through this I have. This is leading me to believe I may be a superhero.
8. To never take anyone's life at face value ever again.
Nobody knew growing up the horrors I was enduring, and that's the point. None of us know what anyone is struggling with, you can't see all disabilities and you don't know who is on the verge of breaking down. It's easy to look at someone's social media and be jealous, but there's a very high chance their reality is very different.
9. To reach out more to others and listen out for signs that they need support.
Due to knowing how it is to put on a front, I now don't leave things at 'I'm fine' and if they aren't themselves I let them know I'm here if they need a friend. They don't always take me up on it, but I'd like to think they would if it could.
10. It's not the end. There's so much more I've yet to experience and learn.
I've not lost my life by becoming ill. I've just got to find a new path and I'm excited to see what my future holds. I've had moments where I wasn't sure I was going to have a future. The world is my hypothetical oyster...
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